Thanksgiving has always seemed like a big deal—the kind of holiday wrapped in cozy traditions, big meals, and awkward conversations with relatives. At least, that’s the image everyone else seems to post on Instagram. For me? It’s never been like that. And I’m starting to be okay with it.
For most of my life, I felt like I was missing something. Everyone else seemed to be celebrating Thanksgiving the “right” way while I was on the outside looking in. I don’t have a traditional family setup, and when it came time for holiday gatherings, it often felt like there was no place I belonged. My parents divorced when I was three, so when the holidays approached and I asked about plans, I heard things like, “You’ll be with your dad this year.” I felt passed back and forth as though I was an accessory, and I got it into my head that if my parents could celebrate a holiday without me, that meant they didn’t love me. The internalization began: I was unlovable. That’s the quick version.
No wonder I would get anxious around the holidays.
Now, at 44, I’m embracing a tough lesson: we can’t change the past. There isn’t a perfectly curated celebration I can create that will magically transform my childhood experience or give me those hallmark memories most of us long for. That chapter of my life has concluded, and the only chapter I have a say over is the one I’m writing now. I’d like to write one that I enjoy being the main character of.
Choosing to step away from the “shoulds” of Thanksgiving has been freeing, but it hasn’t been easy. Rewriting your story rarely is. If you’re feeling the pull to create your own holiday traditions, here are some steps to help you get started.
How To Experience Thanksgiving on your Own Terms
Acknowledge Your Feelings, Thoughts, and Experiences
No matter what Thanksgiving brings up for you, allow yourself to feel those emotions without judgment. Try journaling, quiet reflection, or talking to your best friend to process them.
Don’t Should on Yourself
It’s okay to skip things. Give yourself permission to set aside societal norms and pressures. There’s no "right" way to celebrate anything. This is your life; live it on your terms.
Get Real with What You Actually Want
What do you want to do? Reread number two. What do you really want to do? Write out what’s important to you. Let this guide your decisions.
Maintain Boundaries
Pay attention to your heart and body, and when they give you a signal, take care of yourself. At a large gathering and feeling jittery? Grab five minutes of alone time in a quiet space. Heart racing in a conversation with an abrasive family member? Be truthful but gentle: “I’m not comfortable talking about this. Let’s change the subject.” Your well-being comes first.
Create Your Own Traditions
Focus on making choices that feel good to you. Watch a favorite movie, take the dog for a walk, get out that craft project you've been meaning to tackle or order from your favorite restaurant. These acts of self-care can become your new, personal traditions—a way to intentionally express gratitude for who you are and the life in front of you.
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful. Whether you spend it surrounded by loved ones or savoring some much-needed solitude, what matters is that it feels right for you. Choosing to honor your needs, set boundaries, and create traditions that reflect who you are is an act of self-love—and that’s something you deserve to celebrate. However you decide to spend the day, please remember: you’re allowed to make it your own.
Happy Thanksgiving.
H

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